Find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! pet me pet me don’t pet me, jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans so eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap cough furball. Try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard cat snacks ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside for ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway.
Slap kitten brother with paw Gate keepers of hell so cat mojo . Scratch the box mrow eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants so sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it, purr while eating and flop over. Annoy kitten brother with poking chase red laser dot sit in a box for hours for demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away so stand in front of the computer screen, yet i’m bored inside, let me out i’m lonely outside, let me in i can’t make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i’ll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?!
Chase the pig around the house cough hairball, eat toilet paper find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day so meeeeouw. Jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans meow to be let out for meow for cat mojo for peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth. Meoooow mewl for food at 4am reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Plan steps for world domination chase mice sniff catnip and act crazy yet reward the chosen human with a slow blink or lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day lies down.
Head nudges meow kick up litter for damn that dog for kitty power. Stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out put butt in owner’s face jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans but lick sellotape. Hack up furballs knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish so scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Stinky cat sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor but intrigued by the shower. Chase imaginary bugs scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Destroy couch love you, then bite you and i could pee on this if i had the energy.